How to Turn Off your Partner from Dancing with You

Salsa, merengue, cumbia, bachata, swing, and tango all have basic steps you can practice alone. However, dancing with a partner is even more enjoyable! Are you ready to start group classes or private lessons with someone special? Before you begin, keep this in mind: I've taught many people with different reasons for learning to dance. What impacts me the most is hearing what one partner says to another, especially comments that discourage someone from continuing their dance journey. So, before you and your partner join a class, here are a few things to avoid saying, along with positive alternatives to help you both enjoy the learning experience.

This applies to both followers and leaders:

1- “No, that’s not how you do it”

With two negatives in this comment, it can only lead to a negative effect. Especially if you’re saying this to your partner leading you into moves. Regardless if one has danced before or not, when in the process of learning, many things are going on. You're listening to the information, visually absorbing the new information, and then processing to do the moves correctly with another person! Whew! Yea, leading takes some time so give your partner the time to develop his/her dance capabilities.

Instead, say this: Let’s try again, it's not there yet.

2 - “Why can’t you do it right? It’s so easy!”

Do you remember the last time you learned a new language or  a new sport? Were you an expert on the spot? I don’t think so… If you were, kudos to you. Think back to learning something new, I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you so don’t expect your partner to think or capture new moves easily or right away.

Instead: Ask the instructor to explain it in another way.

3. “Watch the instructor, and just do it like them.”

We all learn in different ways and maybe we see some things and imitate but if it looks like you’re getting a hang of the dance moves but your partner isn’t, there is no need for frustration or negativity. Everyone has their own way of developing. In the 10+ years that I’ve been teaching, I’ve met people from all walks of life and all with different learning capabilities. I never expect perfection on the first try, I’d rather see effort in the journey of learning. 

Try saying: Let’s practice after class as well.

4. “Hahaha, you look funny.”

Whether you’re joking with your partner or really just making fun of them, this phrase is a no no. This is just being a bully. 

Try saying: We need to work on this, let have fun with this!

In conclusion, embracing the dance journey together can be a fulfilling and joyous experience. It’s essential to foster a supportive atmosphere when practicing salsa, merengue, cumbia, bachata, swing, or tango. Avoiding discouraging remarks not only enhances your partner's confidence but also strengthens your connection as you learn. Instead of criticisms, opt for encouragement and constructive feedback. Celebrate each other’s progress, no matter how small. As you embark on this adventure in group classes or private lessons, remember that the goal is to have fun and grow together. With positivity guiding your practice, you’ll create lasting memories on the dance floor. Happy dancing!